Dealing with Loss

Ever want to punch something? Hit something? Scream or yell at something? Run away? Hide? Yeah, all those emotions run crazy when you lose someone you love. Tonight, I lost a huge part of me. My Dad! Wow. It’s even hard to write, but I know it will help to just get my emotions out. It is such a surreal feeling to have that part of me gone. Our relationship has been so distant for quite a while, but it doesn’t mean that I ever loved him any less. I love him so incredibly much, I hope now he can see that and believe it. Very few days ever go by without missing him. What a whirlwind of events for the evening. I knew I didn’t know anyone in GA, other than Zoe, but so many solicitors call my phone lately, I didn’t think much of it. Until the voicemail was her voice. She never calls me. I knew something was wrong. What was supposed to be a small procedure on my dad’s ear, ended with a heart attack he could not recover from. I know anesthesia has never been good for him. I cannot believe this is the way things ended for him. It is all so strange. I was just texting with him this morning about all the rain they have had. And that was all. Now nothing. Just an empty hole. I wish my kids could have known him better. I wish he would have come to visit us. We would have loved that. I wish he could have gone to the incredible places we went when I was younger with my family now. My kids would have really enjoyed all he knew. My dad was a super smart man. He was always teaching lessons on things in everyday life. Even though I didn’t live with him for very long growing up, I learned so much in that time. My dad could make ANYTHING taste fabulous, and could grow absolutely everything! (Two traits I obviously did NOT inherit from him! 😂) I hope he knows how grateful I am for him. I hope he is happy for us to be his family. I hope he sees how much we love him, and even though he is gone now, he will always be in our hearts. He is gone for now, but I know we will be together again. And when we are, what a wonderful reunion that will be! I love you Dad, forever and always. You will always have a special place in my heart.

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